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The thing about golf
Golf spelled backwards …
You’re good at a lot of things. Why aren’t you good at golf? Didn’t the Bender Stik, Orange Whip, PlaneSwing, Speed Whoosh, Smash Bag, Power Sleeve, Frogger, GolfJOC, Putter Cube, Swing Sock, SmartGlove, Flatball, or the hundreds of other training aids work? How about the new clubs? New grips for the new clubs? New balls? New shoes? Lessons in magazines? Lessons on TV? Lessons online? Lessons in books? Lessons with teachers? Windmilling at range balls? Yeah, same here.
Golf’s worst affliction is standing over the ball with six swing thoughts, five of them beginning with “Don’t.” Dedicated to extirpating those thoughts, or at least collecting money on the attempt, are thousands of swing wizards, each with a hand-drawn map to the promised land of split fairways, jarred putts, and sub-bogey rounds.
Golf’s biggest upside is being on the golf course. Disregarding your relentless accretion of bogeys, it’s a great place to spend time outdoors. Often, the course is a place of great beauty and serenity. Within its boundaries, a gentle breeze tickles lush trees, their shadows softly falling on verdant fairway carpets, while the warming sun dapples placid lakes. Squirrels scurry about, birds serenade, and, off in the distance, if you listen carefully, you can sometimes hear … DAMMIT! followed by the telltale helicopter sound of a golf club whirling through the air.
Golf’s rituals are as comforting as a church’s. They are derived from golf’s etiquette, which is the only thing a new player has to get right on the first day. No one except your friends will make fun of the whiff, top, chunk, yank, shank, shove, blade, banana ball, duck hook, worm burner, or sky ball you just hit—the one that lands OB, on the beach, or in the big ball washer, cabbage, jungle, or jail. But curse the newbie who walks on a putting line (or casts a shadow on it), does not tend the pin, hits out of turn, hits into players ahead, plays the wrong ball, fails to rake bunkers, or makes any sound or movement whatsoever during a fellow player’s swing or putt.
Golf spelled backwards is “flog.” Some days, it seems intentional. A civilian might ask why anyone would want to endure the struggle. Beyond the camaraderie; the pleasure of being outdoors, in a beautiful place, on a beautiful day; and the respite from life’s impositions; is this: the sight, sound, and feel of a perfectly struck golf ball arcing majestically toward the beckoning pin. Hitting that shot is like an alcoholic downing a drink—it makes you want another one.
— Don Francis
The Yin and Yang of golf (illustrated)

